I used to think that if I could find “the Truth” then I would be free… what I’ve realized after nearly two decades of seeking is that there is no “the Truth” (and if there was, it would simply be that all truths get to be true)
What I’m finding, is that telling MY moment-to-moment truth, is not only what sets me free, but also what allows me to live the most authentic to me life possible, in real time.
Tell me… what is your truth, right here, right now?
(quote by Jeff Brown)
Truth: In my former life I was a hair designer, and every day was scheduled down to 20 minute increments. I was never not aware of the day or time. Now, however, time is super weird for me. I typically have very little concept of what day or time it is, and I rarely schedule things. Sometimes a little time feels like a really long time, and sometimes a really long time feels like a little time.
Last week when I sent out Truth & Beauty, I figured it would feel like I had absolute ages before the next one came due… but was shocked at how quickly Friday came back around. I sense that this weekly newsletter will be really great for me, as it will anchor me in time whereas I’m usually just floating about and I already love that it’s calling me into weekly reflection. I’m in a period of my life where finding homeostasis and sustainability with things I used to be very extreme about (such as swinging from being highly scheudled to no schedule at all) It feels really good.
ps Since 2012, when I first heard this Dr. Who clip, I can’t not hear it in my head whenever I speak of time (every single time lol)
Truth: I am personally offended when someone does not like the island of Oahu. I have lived there off and on for the past seven years or so, and to me, it’s the literal perfect place. White sandy beaches, crystal clear teal waters, thriving metropolis on the seashore, 72-82 degrees year round, tropical rainforests, little hippie surfer towns with food truck courts, rainbows on the daily, a beautiful blend of cultures feeling not much like America but with many of the american commodities I enjoy… le sigh… I could go on and on. (the only thing I don’t love are the flying cockroaches, but let’s not talk about that) I feel that if someone visits Oahu and doesn’t like it they’ve simply done it all wrong. I might need to go back and start a tour company, just to put an end to this terrible injustice.
Truth: I had a serious vulnerability hangover after I published last week’s Truth & Beauty (took me a solid two days to recover from) I was thinking about what causes a vulnerability hangover, and realized that the metabolizing of the very intense experience of shame can be physically taxing. It’s a process of purging the feelings of “wrongness” long ago buried in the body.
It seems to be the only reason we don’t allow ourselves to tell the truth to ourselves and others, is because we think there’s something wrong with our truths and that in the sharing of them other will think less of us. Shame keeps us fragmented within ourselves, but vulnerable truth-telling (especially in a safe space with trusted others) allows us to process the traumas that are an inevitable part of being human, and to accept and integrate all the disparate parts of ourselves. I am understanding the power of truth-telling, more than ever before… I’m finding it to be the most healing thing I have ever experienced - completely worth any vulnerability hangovers I might experience.
Truth: I‘m really appreciative when influential people (and just people in general) admit their truths in a vulnerable way. I’m so loving Shawn Mendes as an example of this right now.
In this truth letter he recently wrote on Twitter he admits that when he asks himself what it is he’s supposed to do with his life, he hears the words “tell the truth, tell the truth” - and then he goes on to admit how hard that can be, and he shares his fear that people might think less of him or become bored with him, if he just tells the truth.
Other than the part about being wildly famous (lol), I resonate so much with what he’s being called to do, because when I ask myself what I’m supposed to do with my life I hear the same answer. Grateful for the example he’s setting for us all.
“life can be hard..i’ve been going through it lately Tryna be the best ain’t really doing it for me anymore if i’m honest. Turns out just being me feels a whole lot better”
Truth: I never used to believe in human predators until I dated one - now I’m completely obsessed with studying and understanding predatorial personality disorders and behaviors. I get the feeling I’ll be talking more about this as I find words adequately explain what happened to me but in the meantime, I will borrow Maye Luna’s words here in this post and share with you my favorite podcast as of recently called ‘A Little Bit Culty’
Most people, like I was, are naive to the fact that people like this actually exist and/or don’t know how to protect themselves due to the over-spiritualization of life… and I really believe we need better education and awareness on this topic.
This week I have been finding beauty in…
This musical:
Lately, nearly every time I turn on the TV, ‘In the Heights’ is on and I’m completely obsessed. Have you seen it?
What I am finding to be the most beautiful about this musical, besides it’s obvious beauty of music and dancing, is the way that it broaches the subject of sueñitos - little dreams.
It offers up storylines in which the characters are fighting for their dreams, which is a common theme in cinema, but it also presents a mush less common (and far less sexy) theme of ‘giving up’ a dream that may no longer be relevant in your life.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, about how will power and chasing your dreams no matter what is celebrated in our world, and about how giving up is not only weak and undesireable, but also looked down upon.
But the truth is that living an authentic life sometimes includes giving up on dreams that you’ve had for a very long time. Sometimes, we outgrow our dreams (like children outgrow their toys) and if we aren’t brave enough to give them up, we stifle our ability to give rise to even better dreams. Sometimes, what you’ve been looking for is often right under your nose.
Let’s face it, our beauty standards and ideals are so fucked up. They’re completely unrealistic for the majority of us, and have gotten so blown out that no normal human can possibly meet them without serious alterations. Don’t get it twisted, I don’t have anything against altering your body if it’s truly what you desire, but I do believe it would behoove us to fight for a more diverse representation of beauty.
This is why I’m finding deep appreciation for influencers who are pushing the very lame boundaries we’ve fostered and accepted regarding “what is beautiful”.
Polina is a former supermodel in her late 50’s who talks about how frustrating it is that there is literally zero representation for women like her who choose to forgo fillers, botox, surgery and filtered ( i feel her!) She opts instead for aging naturally, and presenting herself largely unedited, and it’s her intention to be a drop in the void of representation for non-altered 50-somethings. I mean.. how gorgeous is she?! She’s really helping me to see the beauty in my own early stages of maturing.
And then there’s Maddie… omg I love Maddie… She has a youtube channel where she shares very honestly and vulnerable her journey to loving herself and her body just as it is. She adores fashion and is an advocate for sex confidence. As someone who has had a rough history with body acceptance, she inspires me to enjoy and find pleasure in my body just as it is. She’s also HILARIOUS. I could watch her videos all day.
This hotel that I live in:
When I arrived at this little boutique hotel called Semimpi here in Bali two and a half years ago, I never would have imagined I’d still be here after this long.
For most of my time here, I was focused on moving “onwards and upwards” (even though nothing I seemed to do worked to change my circumstances). It’s only been recently that I’ve finally submitted to the fact that I not only live in Bali, but I live at this hotel for the foreseeable future.
It’s is only now, that I’m finally able to be present and see the true beauty of what I have here. I am blessed to be here with my daughter (who is also my sister and best friend). The hotel kitten - Syntha - has become our third family member, and will most likely go with us when the day comes that we leave. There are other long term stay guests here, who have become our friends - it’s a little community here at Semimpi (which means ‘like a dream’ in Indonesian)
We recently moved from two rooms into one, and so now it’s like a slumber party with my bestie all the time!
…oh, and I forgot to mention that our room is poolside, and I just couldn’t be more content right now…
Will I live here forever? Most certainly not. But I’m done waiting for my life to be different in order to see the beauty of it, and life sure is good here at Semimpi.
Xo Chandra Nicole
most authentic to me life possible, in real time.
Tell me… what is your truth, right here, right now?
(quote by Jeff Brown)
Truth: In my former life I was a hair designer, and every day was scheduled down to 20 minute increments. I was never not aware of the day or time. Now, however, time is super weird for me. I typically have very little concept of what day or time it is, and I rarely schedule things. Sometimes a little time feels like a really long time, and sometimes a really long time feels like a little time.
Last week when I sent out Truth & Beauty, I figured it would feel like I had absolute ages before the next one came due… but was shocked at how quickly Friday came back around. I sense that this weekly newsletter will be really great for me, as it will anchor me in time whereas I’m usually just floating about and I already love that it’s calling me into weekly reflection. I’m in a period of my life where finding homeostasis and sustainability with things I used to be very extreme about (such as swinging from being highly scheudled to no schedule at all) It feels really good.
ps Since 2012, when I first heard this Dr. Who clip, I can’t not hear it in my head whenever I speak of time (every single time lol)
Truth: I am personally offended when someone does not like the island of Oahu. I have lived there off and on for the past seven years or so, and to me, it’s the literal perfect place. White sandy beaches, crystal clear teal waters, thriving metropolis on the seashore, 72-82 degrees year round, tropical rainforests, little hippie surfer towns with food truck courts, rainbows on the daily, a beautiful blend of cultures feeling not much like America but with many of the american commodities I enjoy… le sigh… I could go on and on. (the only thing I don’t love are the flying cockroaches, but let’s not talk about that) I feel that if someone visits Oahu and doesn’t like it they’ve simply done it all wrong. I might need to go back and start a tour company, just to put an end to this terrible injustice.
Truth: I had a serious vulnerability hangover after I published last week’s Truth & Beauty (took me a solid two days to recover from) I was thinking about what causes a vulnerability hangover, and realized that the metabolizing of the very intense experience of shame can be physically taxing. It’s a process of purging the feelings of “wrongness” long ago buried in the body.
It seems to be the only reason we don’t allow ourselves to tell the truth to ourselves and others, is because we think there’s something wrong with our truths and that in the sharing of them other will think less of us. Shame keeps us fragmented within ourselves, but vulnerable truth-telling (especially in a safe space with trusted others) allows us to process the traumas that are an inevitable part of being human, and to accept and integrate all the disparate parts of ourselves. I am understanding the power of truth-telling, more than ever before… I’m finding it to be the most healing thing I have ever experienced - completely worth any vulnerability hangovers I might experience.
Truth: I‘m really appreciative when influential people (and just people in general) admit their truths in a vulnerable way. I’m so loving Shawn Mendes as an example of this right now.
In this truth letter he recently wrote on Twitter he admits that when he asks himself what it is he’s supposed to do with his life, he hears the words “tell the truth, tell the truth” - and then he goes on to admit how hard that can be, and he shares his fear that people might think less of him or become bored with him, if he just tells the truth.
Other than the part about being wildly famous (lol), I resonate so much with what he’s being called to do, because when I ask myself what I’m supposed to do with my life I hear the same answer. Grateful for the example he’s setting for us all.
“life can be hard..i’ve been going through it lately Tryna be the best ain’t really doing it for me anymore if i’m honest. Turns out just being me feels a whole lot better”
Truth: I never used to believe in human predators until I dated one - now I’m completely obsessed with studying and understanding predatorial personality disorders and behaviors. I get the feeling I’ll be talking more about this as I find words adequately explain what happened to me but in the meantime, I will borrow Maye Luna’s words here in this post and share with you my favorite podcast as of recently called ‘A Little Bit Culty’
Most people, like I was, are naive to the fact that people like this actually exist and/or don’t know how to protect themselves due to the over-spiritualization of life… and I really believe we need better education and awareness on this topic.
This week I have been finding beauty in…
This musical:
Lately, nearly every time I turn on the TV, ‘In the Heights’ is on and I’m completely obsessed. Have you seen it?
What I am finding to be the most beautiful about this musical, besides it’s obvious beauty of music and dancing, is the way that it broaches the subject of sueñitos - little dreams.
It offers up storylines in which the characters are fighting for their dreams, which is a common theme in cinema, but it also presents a mush less common (and far less sexy) theme of ‘giving up’ a dream that may no longer be relevant in your life.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, about how will power and chasing your dreams no matter what is celebrated in our world, and about how giving up is not only weak and undesireable, but also looked down upon.
But the truth is that living an authentic life sometimes includes giving up on dreams that you’ve had for a very long time. Sometimes, we outgrow our dreams (like children outgrow their toys) and if we aren’t brave enough to give them up, we stifle our ability to give rise to even better dreams. Sometimes, what you’ve been looking for is often right under your nose.
Let’s face it, our beauty standards and ideals are so fucked up. They’re completely unrealistic for the majority of us, and have gotten so blown out that no normal human can possibly meet them without serious alterations. Don’t get it twisted, I don’t have anything against altering your body if it’s truly what you desire, but I do believe it would behoove us to fight for a more diverse representation of beauty.
This is why I’m finding deep appreciation for influencers who are pushing the very lame boundaries we’ve fostered and accepted regarding “what is beautiful”.
Polina is a former supermodel in her late 50’s who talks about how frustrating it is that there is literally zero representation for women like her who choose to forgo fillers, botox, surgery and filtered ( i feel her!) She opts instead for aging naturally, and presenting herself largely unedited, and it’s her intention to be a drop in the void of representation for non-altered 50-somethings. I mean.. how gorgeous is she?! She’s really helping me to see the beauty in my own early stages of maturing.
And then there’s Maddie… omg I love Maddie… She has a youtube channel where she shares very honestly and vulnerable her journey to loving herself and her body just as it is. She adores fashion and is an advocate for sex confidence. As someone who has had a rough history with body acceptance, she inspires me to enjoy and find pleasure in my body just as it is. She’s also HILARIOUS. I could watch her videos all day.
This hotel that I live in:
When I arrived at this little boutique hotel called Semimpi here in Bali two and a half years ago, I never would have imagined I’d still be here after this long.
For most of my time here, I was focused on moving “onwards and upwards” (even though nothing I seemed to do worked to change my circumstances). It’s only been recently that I’ve finally submitted to the fact that I not only live in Bali, but I live at this hotel for the foreseeable future.
It’s is only now, that I’m finally able to be present and see the true beauty of what I have here. I am blessed to be here with my daughter (who is also my sister and best friend). The hotel kitten - Syntha - has become our third family member, and will most likely go with us when the day comes that we leave. There are other long term stay guests here, who have become our friends - it’s a little community here at Semimpi (which means ‘like a dream’ in Indonesian)
We recently moved from two rooms into one, and so now it’s like a slumber party with my bestie all the time!
…oh, and I forgot to mention that our room is poolside, and I just couldn’t be more content right now…
Will I live here forever? Most certainly not. But I’m done waiting for my life to be different in order to see the beauty of it, and life sure is good here at Semimpi.
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